December 15, 2012

Because this is my space and I can.

This is my blog, my space.  This is mine, so I will empty my guts here.

In the middle of my last class, my husband texted me asking if I knew what was going on in Connecticut.  When I replied I had not, he filled me in.  And in that moment my heart broke.  But it is not as broken as the parents of those babies.  My will seal itself up, but their's will forever be cracked and smashed and black and empty in a way I can only hope I never have to understand.

It is sad that we lock our children in buildings everyday so they can safely learn. They should have open windows and freely move through the space with no fear.  It is deplorable that we even bother with trials of these people, and yet I respect our judicial process enough that I understand why we must.  We're falling apart.  I feel as humanity is slowly stretching itself at the seams punctuated with the abrupt tearing and slicing and shattering of us.  Yet, we continue accepting behaviors and trying to explain them away...

Leaving school today, a beautiful sunny day in December, I saw a window opened in a classroom.  All the students are gone for the day, so only the teacher remains.  My first thought was how accessible the room would be to someone wanting to hurt people inside the school.  That's screwed up on so many levels. My second thought was how nice I bet it was inside the classroom with the breeze and fresh air.  That should have been first.  Viewing an open window as an opportunity for crime is just bullshit.

This is not a God issue or a gun issue.  It is a people issue.  To turn it into anything else is ridiculous.  But it will be.  We love to take a tragedy and try to make sense of it by finding something to blame other than ourselves.  It is never us.  No, never. We make concessions for everyone for every reason.  Divorced parents, mental illness, bullying, bad music, bad video what point do we look at ourselves as a culture and point the finger back?  When does it become our responsibility to take care of each other?  I'm not a liberal by definition, but I do believe it takes a village to hold us together. 

It has been mentioned there is a possibility of mental illness playing a role in this tragedy.  That said, does that make it okay?  Someone posted on a news site this should be a wake-up call to how we are dealing with mental health in our country.  While we certainly don't do the best job, to use this as evidence for the failure of that system is not acceptable.  There are plenty of people with mental illness who function everyday without violence, and we don't know enough yet to make that call in this case.  Besides, I can accept (in some twisted way) mental illness for murdering your own mother, but there is no sense when you then leave and drive to a school and murder innocent babies.  There has to be a line, and I draw it there.

I have no point here, really.  I'm sad. I'm angry.  I'm scared.  I'm pissed.  I want to cuss and hit things and hug my babies and pray. Don't make this the Calvary Cry for your personal goals.  Don't tarnish the memory of these untarnished souls by making them a statistic for your political motivations.  Do look around you and see what we are evolving into:  a culture of instant gratification and "Imma get mine, by God!"  Do ask what you can do because we can all do something...even if it's just telling our own children 'no' sometimes.  

Beyond all of our religious and political differences, there is one basic human rule:  Don't harm others. Is that so hard?

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