A New Day...This Is What I Know

Dear Peeps, 

When I was a kid, I did a great impersonation of Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World."  I used to do it to crack up my bestest little friends, the sisters.  I can still crack them up with it if I work really hard, I'd bet.




Whatever random television station I was watching last night played this immediately after the apple/shoe/peach fell to mark the beginning of the new year, and it reminded me of sitting outside of Wendy's waiting on our dads to bring out some cheeseburgers while this song played.  Funny how those moments sneak up on you when you least expect them.

The new year always brings with it so much promise, but I'm always a little sad to see the old one go away.  Not because they've always been great years, mind you, but because I know that year.  It was predictable and comfy, like my green houseshoes with the soles worn thin.  It fit me because I had adjusted to it.  I didn't have to think about it when I wrote checks; it was instinct.  Now I have to start all over again.

Just like most, I make the same promises every year....better health, more exercise, blah, blah, blah.  And, just like most, I stick with it for a bit, but then I give in to summer ice cream trips with the kids and emergency runs to the drive-thru.  Thus the cycle begins again....and again...and again.   I've decided I'm done with that.  Of course, I will clean out the fridge and buy the healthy foods because I need to do that for health reasons, but not because it's my resolution.  It's just what I need to do for my body, but not my soul.

My soul resolution this year is to take a weekend or at least one day each month and to do something to recharge my batteries, so to speak, and to be a better friend.  Simultaneously.  I think I'm a good friend to many and a great friend to a few.  I'm dependable.  I'll bail you out of jail, let you borrow my clothes, give you amazing unsolicited advice, and cook for you on occasion.  But, I compartmentalize my life.  My family is one box; my career is one box, and my friends are a box.  I try to keep these separate because, truly, sometimes I need to go to another box to save my sanity.  It's harder and harder to make time for all my boxes.  

I want to make 2013 the year of friendship.  My goal is to spend the time each month with at least one friend.  I want to travel to visit those people I always say, "We need to get together!" but then life takes over and we never do it.  I want my girlfriends to come over with all their damn kids (trust me, there are a lot of kids....13, not including mine!) and let them play games and chase each other around while we chat around the kitchen table.  I want to jump in the car and spend the day  with my peeps in the town an hour away.  I want to fly to the other side of the country to see my girlfriend and explore her new happiness.  

Life has always been a series of mundane events punctuated by some spectacular event....a wedding...a funeral....a birth....a milestone of importance, such as starting school or graduating one.  I have always lived for big events.  I love the planning for a big trip or the anticipation of a surprise, but I fail to live in the moment.  Life is about my baby girl coming into my room on a Saturday morning and cuddling in the crook of my arm.  It's about explaining the ups and downs of friendship to my son.  It's about watching my oldest grow into a beautiful and strong young woman.  Memories are nice, don't get me wrong, but I need to leave more than memories to my children.  I need to leave a legacy of love and caring about those who are important to them as part of their everyday lives.

For January we are taking the kids out of town for the day and I'm planning to invite the girls over for a night.  In February there is Sisters' Prom!!  i hope sometime this summer to make a trip out west if everything falls into place.  As for the rest, we'll see how it goes.  I'm sure I can conjure up something! 

Where will 2013 take you?

Smiles,
Breathe Chick 

She Went To The Chapel...And Got Hitched! (No, Not Me)

So, there was this girl I met a long time ago...like barhopping, waiting-tables-to-get-by, no-retirement-fund long time ago.  It's kind of funny because we really didn't like each other too much as teenagers, but I realize now we sometimes dislike the people we are most like.  After a short time, I realized she was the grape jelly to my peanut butter.


She's good stuff, too.  No matter what I needed, she would take care of it.  She still would.  


There was a time, though, when things changed with us.  My life was in one place, but her's was in another. One wasn't better than the other, just different.  At a Christmas party, she got upset over something unrelated to me, but I spazzed and left.  It would be over a year before we spoke again.


One night, as I listened to a new CD, I thought how much she would like it.  Then I thought how much I missed sharing those things with her.  On a whim, I sent a short email...an olive branch.  I must add that apologies are not my strength.  Truthfully, I suck at them.  I hoped the words conveyed half of what my heart was feeling.  I guess they did because she called and we talked until almost 3 in the morning.  We picked up right where we left off.


Sometimes we don't talk for a few days...every now and again, we'll go for a week or so.  There are no hurt feelings or jealousies; we just catch up and move on.  I love this about us.


After years and years of being just fine and dandy on her own, she met a boy (well, re-met the boy....he's a redo.)  There was a good, old-fashioned whirlwind romance and a ring.  Last week, I sat in a breathtaking garden and watched as they promised all the world to each other.  He is a good man, and I know he appreciates the gift of her.  I sometimes think he understood before I did.


This post is not witty or funny or sarcastic or intriguing.  It's just me letting her know how much I adore her.  She's funny and amazing.  She's honest and strong. He is lucky to have her...as am I.  Love you Jilly.

Eden's Meme...It's A Sign (If You Know What To Look For)

I have been cold before.  Playing in the snow when the wetness has seeped through too-thin gloves from too many hours outside; Sitting around the campfire after the warm fall sun has set and the chill has set in; Lying on a table, tubes running hither and yon,waiting to see my babies' faces for the first time.


Twice I have been cold in a way that aches.  It is a cold that you feel in the marrow of your bones.  A cold that makes your body curl into a fetal position so that you might find some warmth you didn't know was there.  It is a cold that makes your soul feel like it will shatter into a million pieces.


Round One
The first time was the night my dear aunt (of Wanda's Stripper Dip fame) passed away.  I had not gone on vacation with my parents to visit her, which was divine intervention.  After hanging out with friends, in the wee hours of the night I went to bed.  As I pulled the sheets to my chin, I felt ice running through my veins.  My teeth began chattering uncontrollably to the point I thought they would break.  I struggled to get warm, but there was none to be had.  Eventually I drifted off to sleep, but tossed and turned the rest of the night.


Shortly after I woke the next morning, I heard the garage door open.  My parents weren't due home until the next day, so I was more than surprised to see the car in the driveway.  My mother came in very ill, and my brother followed, silently, behind her.  My father came in with arms outstretched walking toward me.  As he wrapped them around me, he said, "Aunt Wanda is gone."  The rest is a blur, but I do remember my dear neighbor, who passed away a few years ago, taking me out on the porch for a cigarette and a beer.  Apparently he thought that's what his underage neighbor needed, and he was right.  A marlboro red and a busch beer...I'll never forget him or those.


I realized later that day that she passed about the same time my cold chill happened.  I prefer to believe it was her passing by me on her way to greater places.  I know she would not leave this world without saying goodbye in some form or fashion.


Round Two
Remember that scene in Coal Miner's Daughter where Sissy Spacek tells the audience she is overwhelmed and life's been happen' too fast, then she looks out into the audience for Doo, her husband, to come get her off the stage?  I know what that feels like.  One night, when life was moving way too fast, I climbed into my bed, jacked the electric blanket to 10, and wished for some shred of warmth. I found none.  I realized it was time to slow down.  I wasn't a kid anymore, and I needed to take care of things in my life. I cleaned house, so to speak, starting the next day.  


My grandfathers and my aunt had all passed by this point, so I'm not sure which one was looking out for me.  I know I was burning my candle at both ends, and I would've soon crashed.  It doesn't matter which one it was, really; They all roost upon my shoulders at different points.


Some people walk this earth with a guardian angel they've never known, but I know mine.  They walked me through life up to different points, holding my hand while still pushing me into independence.  Sometimes I sense them there, so I say hello.  If it creeps me out, I ask them to leave.  Sometimes I need to be alone without them, but they're always in the wings...looking, waiting, ready to swoop in and nest on my shoulders so I am never truly alone...and will never be for the rest of eternity.