March 17, 2011

It's On Like Donkey Kong!

I bought a tennis skirt. This may not be a big deal, unless you know me.  I am not an athlete in a form or fashion.  I do well to walk, let alone run or anything that involves coordinating multiple body parts.  All my friends played sports when we were growing up; I was in the stands cheering. That's how I roll.

Last summer, however, I made a split-second decision to play tennis. Nevermind my tennis experience consisted of intentionally serving tennis balls onto the roof of my high school so I wouldn't have to play for the rest of gym class. The vision in my head consisted of me going to the courts and discovering I was a natural. I mean, of course I would be a natural, right? Not so much.

First, a little background on my previous athletic attempts.  I tried snow skiing once when I was a freshman in high school. After realizing my instructor was only interested in the tall blonde, I gave up on that.  I did try again about ten years later, but it was an equal disaster.  At my bff's bachelorette party (maybe not the best conditions to learn to ski?), I fell off the lift so they had to stop it.  Then it took me four hours to get down to the lodge where I belonged in the first place.  In my defense, the girls I was with took me up way farther than they should have.  Either they had a lot of faith in me, or they were looking forward to a few good laughs. 

Since snow wasn't my area of expertise, I tried skiing at a local lake. I must say, this might have been more disasterous.  Imagine this:  Getting up on skis for first time...leaning too far forward...feet coming up to meet you...large, old, very solid wooden ski smacking you right between the eyes...falling down into water with such force your bathing suit becomes part of your internal organs.  Chalk that up to a negative.

So, tennis would be good.  I was gonna break this curse, by God! Nope. Not a chance.  Apparently the tennis courts are sacred to people who play tennis.  No one told us it was rude to laugh or that they expected us to know how to keep score.  And I really, really tried to hit my tennis ball on my court, but sometimes it went into someone else's court.  Like seven times.  It might have been okay, except those people had tennis outfits that matched their partner's AND THEIR SHOES! They also had multiple rackets in their very expensive bags. I'm thinking they might play a little better than I do.

My goal for this year is to take my (TJMaxx) tennis skirt and (KMart) racket and rock the courts.  I will settle, however, for not getting anymore emails detailing the obnoxious and unacceptable behavior of some players on the courts. True.  If nothing else, I'm gonna go represent all of us with our cheap rackets and non-matching clothes and unacceptable behavior.  Serena Williams is gonna be out of the game for a bit, so maybe this is my shot? I'll let you know how the tennis skirt pans out.

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